


these thoughts i keep, i want to share with you

by zipplekink



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Liam, Friends With Benefits, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rimming, Top Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:49:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7591669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zipplekink/pseuds/zipplekink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you going to miss me when I'm gone?” Liam asks softly, rubbing his nose gently against Zayn's. He teases, lips hovering over his but not making contact.</p><p>“Probably not,” Zayn jokes, nudging forward but Liam pulls away. </p><p>“Yeah,” he says, voice trailing off. “Have Griff, don't ya?”</p><p>Zayn shakes his head slightly, eyes dropping to the slight tension in Liam's jaw. He will miss him, when Liam goes back to his hometown for the summer, but it feels as if it is something he shouldn’t share. Especially when Liam will be in Wolver-Hampton with Jade, forgetting the moments like these that Zayn can’t seem to ever stop thinking about.  “Not like that. You know that.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't quite remember what inspired the idea of Liam going to the market to hook up with Zayn who works there, lmao, but it eventually turned into this. I hope you enjoy reading!! I will be posting the second (the last chapter) in a few days!! 
> 
> Title by Small Talk by Majid Jordan

_“Babe, quiet.”_

Zayn lets out a breathless laugh, cupping his hand to the back of Liam’s head. He doesn’t know how Liam can expect him to be quiet, not with the warmth wrapped around the tip of his cock and the rub of Liam’s tongue underneath the head. When Liam can’t even be quiet himself, filling the storage room with loud rumbled groans every time Zayn bucks his hips forward, eyes falling shut every time a moan vibrates through his length.

“Not easy,” Zayn mutters tightly, his other hand flying back against one of the boxes and making it tumble to the ground as Liam bobs lower. He cups his fingers under his balls, his thumb reaching out to rub his skin and it makes his legs jerk slightly. “With you chokin’ on my dick like this -”

Liam groans around him, eyes fluttering shut. His face is a lovely shade of red, lips slick and stretched around him obscenely. Zayn’s fingers attempt to curl into the short hairs at the back of Liam’s head as he rolls his hips forward just slightly, wanting to see how much of him Liam can take.

The other lad pulls off with a slick sound, eyes looking up as he pumps Zayn slowly. “Don't talk. It's killing me.”

He says it so seriously, but his lips quirk up slightly before he is lowering his mouth back around the head. Zayn huffs out another laugh, sliding his palm to cup Liam’s cheek to feel the warmth that resides there.

“Wanna come on your lips babe,” he murmurs lowly. The thought builds the arousal in his belly almost as much as the warmth of Liam’s mouth, and the growing slick sound coming from where Liam's hand blurs between his own legs.

It is overwhelming, the way Liam's lips part so easily and without question, head tilting back as his hand strokes over Zayn quickly. Obscene really, how eager he is, especially when the first few drops of come collect at that swollen bottom lip.

Zayn gasps out a rough _Liam_ as he bucks his hips forward, grip tightening on his cheek to keep his head in place as he milks out across his tongue and dots his cheeks. Liam’s face contorts, brows knitting together as his moan echoes far too loudly in the storage room like the taste of Zayn is enough to bring him to his release.

“Oh look at you,” Zayn moans hoarsely, reaching to rub his thumb over the come collected at the corner of Liam's mouth as he shivers out the last of his orgasm. Liam's hand drops from his cock to his thigh, his fingers bruising as he grips him.

“Get off on it, yeah?” Zayn murmurs before he is pushing his thumb between Liam's lips. Liam complies, wrapping them around the digit. It muffles the moan he knew was coming as the other lad comes, streaking out across the floor. They are the worst two people to try to be sneaky, Zayn thinks, since he knows he looks like his face is going to break just like Liam's does every time he tries to be quiet. 

The way his normally warm brown eyes have darkened when he flutters them open, and the shake in Zayn's knees from the force of his orgasm has him falling until they hit the cement floor in front of the other man. He doesn't hesitate to kiss at Liam's lips, removing his thumb to bite at his lower lip and taste the shiver of a breath that passes between them. There is a pulse drumming through him, making Zayn want to press their bodies as close and tightly together as possible. 

“Mhm,” Liam groans out, fisting Zayn's white polo work shirt to pull him close as their lips mold together. He tastes the bitter taste of himself, but also the addicting taste of _Liam_. A hint of nicotine and his cherry flavored vitamin water, which the other lad is addicted to almost as much as that cinnamon gum Zayn used to hate but now finds himself chewing whenever Liam is gone for too long.

“I hate you,” Liam mumbles between kisses. Zayn laughs and pulls away, masking the clench in his chest and that annoying thought that maybe Liam means it. It seems like a ridiculous thought, but one that Zayn can’t help because these are the only moments he has with Liam alone; hidden away in the back storage room of the grocery store he works at, with their pants puddled around their ankles.

“Come on, breaks almost over,” Zayn whispers, stroking his finger over the round of Liam’s nose before he is standing up and tucking his hands together behind his back so he won’t accidentally trace how he feels across Liam’s skin. “These Oreos aren't going to stock themselves.”

Liam gives him a crooked grin as he takes the hand Zayn presents to him to stand up. He looks wrecked, his longer hair sticking up all over the top of his head and his cheeks burnt a lovely shade of dark pink, his shirt slightly disheveled and pants halfway down his legs and revealing the smatter of hair and the finger shaped bruises Zayn had left behind on the inside of his thighs a few days previous. Zayn knows he doesn't look much better, though there is a no hair touching rule in place to help prevent looking _too_ fucked out.

(Even though his coworkers already probably know that Liam isn't _really_ here to buy the deodorant and box of Froot Loops he picked up randomly from the shelves. And Niall is probably mopping the floor outside of the storage room, grumbling and cussing at them under his breath.)

“Two more minutes,” Liam offers before he is stepping into Zayn's space to mold their bodies together, knocking Zayn back against the boxes that are luckily lined against the wall so they don't completely tumble over. Just a few boxes here and there have fallen, and Zayn makes a mental note to pick them up later before his boss sees.

“Okay,” Zayn whispers, gripping at Liam's hips before Liam's lips are back on his. He owes Niall big time for blocking off the door for the short time they are in there, and the lad usually settles for building up the tab he has under Zayn's name at the pub they always go to as a payback.

Liam finally parts from him when there is a loud bang at the door and a muffled, but distinctly annoyed voice sounding from outside of it. He places a lingering kiss to Zayn's lips, pulling up his pants before he stumbles away.

“Next time,” Liam promises with an attempted wink. He really just flutters both eyes shut, his nose wrinkling and the crinkles by his eyes deepening with it and it makes Zayn heart jump in his chest as he straightens himself. “And don't forget your smock.”

Zayn nods, biting at the smile covering his lips as he reaches for where it lays discarded on the floor.

“Ima have to start chargin’ you too, Payner,” he hears Niall grumble as he fixes his pants and heads for the door. “Learn to be fucking quiet, will ya?”

Zayn feels his cheeks burn as he listens to the laugh Liam lets out. It warms through him, and Niall just shakes his head at the look on his face as he steps out.

“I don’t know what’s more gross,” Niall starts, plopping the mop into the bucket by his feet. His face is a mask of distaste and amusement. “That noise I just heard you make or that look on your face right now.”

Zayn just shrugs, teeth catching at his bottom lip as he watches Liam off. Swooning, his mum would say.

“Arse over tit, you are,” Niall grumbles though his lips quirk up. “It’s disgusting.”

Zayn looks at him then, to shove him playfully in the shoulder. “No, I’m not. We’re just friends, friends who - well, you know.”

Niall shakes his head, laughing slightly. “Yeah, alright lad. Whatever. Your heart eyes haven't got that memo yet, I guess.”

+*

Zayn shuffles through the library, arms filled with more books than he probably needs and a backpack that feels like the weight of it could break his thin frame on his back. It is the end of the semester, or nearly, just a few exams and then he is free.

Free to work twenty four hours a day, stuck here for the summer instead of going home like everyone else because of a new internship offer at the local hospital he couldn’t refuse. He is thankful and grateful for the opportunity, but there is still a sadness that lingers through him because he is going to go another three months without seeing his family. They could come to visit, but he is struggling to even find an hour in his schedule to Skype them, let alone spend time with them.

Zayn plops down onto a wooden chair at his usual table, spreading the books out before he distracts himself for a moment with his phone, flicking through songs to listen to while he studies. He always does this, procrastinates with small things as much as possible instead of getting right to work.

He settles back against the chair as the ' _please just hear me out, you always make me feel so'_ flows through his ear over a beat that makes his fingers tap across the table, his eyes darting around at the students around the library. It is usually quite empty, especially this section - which is why he prefers to sit here more than anywhere else, but during exam time it is crowded with people he has never seen before.

His eyes fall between the shelves in the Engineering section, on these broad, thick shoulders that are covered by tight black shirt. There is a snapback on his head, covering the golden brown hair that is probably curling because Liam never styles his hair when he wears a hat. Zayn’s eyes fall to the small round of his bum, where he can see the top of his bum, covered in white, popping out from his jeans despite the belt looped through them.

_Please don't let me down, this is something that means so much to me -_

Zayn sighs, tickling his fingers across his beard. That is a distraction he really doesn’t need right now, but he can’t pull his eyes away. Especially when Liam turns, showing off the sharp of his jaw and how it contrasts with the round of his cheeks. His thick brows are furrowed some as he trails a finger along the books stacked on the third shelf, his other hand absentmindedly scratching at his belly, completely unaware of Zayn and his tunnel vision.

He can’t quite remember how they had started sneaking off to the back storage room nearly a year ago, instead of one of the empty rooms at the house parties they frequent. Whenever they were together, Liam’s fingers would stroke across his back, or over the back of his hand. His eyes were always dark and Zayn was always mesmerized by the flick of Liam’s tongue over his bottom lip, and how his own mimicked the move like a habit. He doesn’t think any of their mates noticed, or noticed how after they became fuck buddies, Liam stopped touching him around them.

It excited him for awhile, having a secret only the two of them shared. But that feeling died when he first saw Danielle and him holding hands, when he had to listen to the annoying coos from his friends of how cute they were together and he realized that is something _he_ wanted with Liam.

Zayn watches as Liam pulls a book from the shelf and opens it, unaware of the the girl with the sleek, grayish looking hair tip toeing up to him. There is a grin on her lips, mischief in her eyes before she is curling her arm around him, with her chest pressed to his back.

His nose wrinkles as he watches Liam jump, his expression bright as he takes in Jade. She lets go, but her fingers linger against his back for far too long before she is curling her arms around her back. Zayn can’t hear what they are saying due to the music, but honestly he doesn’t want to know.

She is beautiful, really, and smart. Funny as shit, able to make whoever, whenever laugh and one of the kindest people Zayn has ever met and he is sure that is why Liam’s face brightens so much every time he is around her. There is this dread making itself home in Zayn’s stomach and he has to pull his eyes away and push away the thoughts of how Liam has ended it between them before when he had found someone else.

He opens his first book, but his eyes just dot over the words without taking them in and he starts to regret listening to the music that forces him to think about his feelings. He is thankful for the distraction of a chair being pulled back beside him, and the forever glowing happiness of Griff’s face taking up his vision.

“Ned’s havin’ a party tonight, you in?” Griff asks as a greeting. He nudges his head towards the book Zayn isn’t reading, a grin tugging even more at his lips. “Get a break from allat.”

A grin tugs easily at his lips. He was fooling himself to think he was going to get any work done today since he had waited until he had only an hour before work to start, and he has studied for hours and hours for his Anatomy exam already. “Maybe. But you better not drink too much mate, all day in the library tomorrow. You and me.”

Griff’s nose wrinkles as he reaches out to pinch under Zayn’s chin. A gesture he knows is motivated by a feeling Zayn doesn’t return, but he doesn’t mind. It keeps Griff’s eyes bright and when Zayn had told him he hadn’t shared those feelings, he thought the brightness in them would die.

But it hadn’t. Thankfully.

Zayn flicks his eyes to Liam at the thought, wishing he could have told Griff he thought it would be possible for the two of them, if it weren’t for the way his heart jumps in his chest every time he looks at those warm brown eyes, like it is trying to break free from his chest and return to who it belongs to. He could have lied, and tried to work it out with Griff, hopeful of eventually growing feelings for the other man but it made him feel nauseous with guilt. 

He is surprised to see Liam’s eyes on him then before they drop to his feet, his hand coming up to cup the back of his neck as he continues to talk to Jade. His eyes stay down for a long moment as he digs his fingers into his own skin, his other hand tucking deep into his pocket. 

“You suck,” Griff teases, pulling Zayn’s attention back to him. He drops his hand before shoving back the seat he sits in. “But you have a deal. See you later after work, bro. I’m goin’ to ask if Li is going, and if he is bringing Jade.”

He wiggles his eyebrows a bit, a glint of mischief in his eyes before he is padding over towards them, unaware that his words make it feel like Zayn’s heart just dropped into his stomach.

+*

His heart thumps heavily in his chest, the sound of the sharp breaths Zayn lets out seemingly loud in his ears though the other lad is trying to be quiet. His body feels so good against his own, fitting perfectly to Liam’s front like they were meant to be pressed together. And Liam would swear up and down that their bodies were meant to be pressed together like this, if there were anyone to listen.

Liam curls an arm beside Zayn’s head, where he is pressed to the wall as he grips Zayn’s hips roughly. He grinds his own hips down against them, the bare of his length pressed against the other lads just right.

Dribbles of precome and the spit Zayn had collected into his hand before he had stroked them off make the movements slick, making arousal pour down his spine with every roll of his hips. He used to be embarrassed how wet he would get, leaking out all over Zayn's hands just from the slightest touch, but Zayn had looked at him like it was amazing so now he craves the praises, the drop in Zayn's voice when he tells Liam how much he likes it. 

“Z,” Liam mutters, tickling his fingers underneath Zayn’s shirt to touch more of his skin. His skin is warm against his hand, and soft. Just like everything about him, though the sharp lines of his features and the dark of his eyes can sometimes give him a hard look, there is no denying how soft Zayn looks. It makes Liam want to wrap his arms around Zayn and tuck him into his chest, to pepper kisses over his brows and at the tip of his nose.

He is just beautiful, with the part of his bruised lips and the long of his eyelashes as his eyes flutter closed. His eyebrows are pinched in arousal, and a dark blush takes over the skin above his thick beard. Their movements are rushed and desperate, and though Liam craves to stroke his fingers against Zayn’s skin and make love to him somewhere more private, he can’t seem to mind any moment with Zayn. Even the messy, rushed ones.

“What?” Zayn grunts out, his fingers fumbling down Liam’s front. Liam pulls his hips back enough to allow Zayn to wrap his fingers around the both of them. It feels good, Zayn’s fingers wrapped around him, and the thick of his prick pressed underneath his own.

“Fuck,” Liam groans, knocking his lips against Zayn’s to cover the sound in his chest threatening to spill out. His fingers are thinner, his movements more precise than Liam’s always too eager ones. It builds the pressure of arousal, making a tremble run down his spine and his knees buckle enough to press farther against Zayn. “Your dick, babe -”

“Yeah?” Zayn breathes, his moan tinted with a laugh that matches the slight quirk of his lips. Liam grips Zayn’s chin, fingers pulsing with an eagerness he can’t control as he knocks a kiss to his lips. The slick sound of them grows as Zayn pumps them quicker, as Liam rolls his hips into the movement. The obscene, slick sound grows louder, mixing in with their melody of soft groans and rough breaths that echo off the walls. 

“Want it in me.”

Zayn’s eyes close again as Liam presses their foreheads together. The thought makes his own eyes close too, images of Zayn’s thin fingers gripping at the round of his bum while he dicks into him making bursts of pleasure explode down his back.

“Want to,” Zayn says, voice hitching as he lets go of them to grip Liam’s bum. He is trembling, his back scooching down the wall some and Liam is pretty sure he is the only thing holding him up. “Wanna fuck you, too.”

“Yeah,” Liam moans, lips parted over Zayn as he humps against him uncoordinatedly with his fingers bruising against Zayn’s hip. He is so close, the pleasure scattering through him making his muscles tense and shake.

“Get deep,” Zayn says, head tilting back and Liam takes that as an opportunity to bury his face there, to muffle the moan and bruise the skin under his jaw as his cock starts to pulse. “Get you all stretched and tight around me -"

Liam chokes out a moan as his hips stutter against Zayn’s, his dick pulsing with every streak of come against Zayn’s belly. Zayn’s fingers dig into the skin between his cheeks as Liam grinds down roughly against him, feeling like his bones are going to snap from the force of the tension that takes over him as he comes.

“Love,” Zayn breathes, tilting his head so their noses knock together. He is breathless, his chest rising and falling rapidly against his own. “I want that so bad.”

He doesn’t let his grip go for a long moment as they exchange breaths, but when he does, he plants a hand on Liam’s sweaty back and strokes his fingers against his skin. Liam is too aware of the movement, his eyes searching Zayn’s face to see the brightness in his eyes that stands out despite the dim lighting of the room, and the warmth in his features that Liam always craves to be a witness of.

“Me too,” Liam murmurs, plopping his lips to Zayn’s. It is half way his fault that they haven’t had sex yet, since he never invites him over though they live close to each other. But Zayn has never asked him over _either_.

And he is too afraid of waking up next to Zayn and growing more attached than he already is, and then watching the lad leave when he realizes how in love with Griff he is.

“Soon,” Zayn promises, voice filled with something he can’t name as he traces shapes up the length of Liam’s spine with the tips of his fingers. Liam shivers as he nods, smoothing his own fingers over Zayn’s hips as an apology for the bruise they will have left behind. “Are you going to Ned’s party?”

Liam nods, pulling away then. He takes in how Zayn slumps against the wall, looking fucked out as he rests his palm over his belly and watches Liam pull up the briefs around his ankles. “Yeah, you?”

“Probably,” Zayn answers, still not moving as Liam gets dressed. His cock softens between his legs, but they are still parted, like he is waiting for Liam to fit himself back between them. “Griff asked me.”

Liam bites on his tongue as not to roll his eyes but he nods as he closes the space between them again. He kisses Zayn softly, possessively, lips pushing his into a part and tongue swiping over his teeth. He rests his palms to Zayn’s cheeks, rubbing under his eyelids as their lips move, his tongue intent on tracing his plea for Zayn to love him instead on the roof of his mouth.

“Okay,” Liam mutters quietly, pulling away but Zayn’s head darts forward, chasing his lips. It lights a fire in his chest, making his smile pull up high into his cheeks. “See you there.”

“Mhm,” Zayn murmurs, his feet stumbling after Liam as he tries to walk back away from him, while still holding onto the other lads cheeks. It turns into the back of Liam’s foot hitting a box, making another one fall, and the room filling with a bubble of laughter that Liam would play on replay all day, every day if possible.

“Go,” Zayn tells him finally, resting his palm onto Liam’s cheek. “See you.”

When he gets outside, the air is warm, the sky muggy, but it cools down the heat taking over him as he pads through the parking lot, a grocery bag filled with who even knows what, swinging beside him. There is a lingering pleasure under his skin, a satiated smile on his lips that only grows when he thinks about the mark stained on Zayn’s neck that he had noticed as he was walking out.

+*

The house Ned lives in is crowded, the music thumping throughout from speakers that seem taller than himself. There is a buzz of chatter and laughter that soaks through Zayn, washing away the worries that have plagued his mind throughout the day. The alcohol helps, though he drinks little, favoring a thick smoke to make his body relax rather than the sour taste of beer.

Griff is crowded against his side where they stand in a group, barely any room between them. He is soft spoken normally, though loud in this environment, talking animatedly with his hands though drops of beer plop over the side of his cup. He doesn’t seem to notice, and it only seems to make the situation funnier.

Niall is a fit of laughter, a hand around his belly and eyes clenching shut and he is more amusing than the fake argument happening between Ned and Griff. About music, or something, Zayn’s attention keeps flickering between the group and Liam, who stands a few feet away in the crowd of footie players. 

“Whatever man, s’all shit coming out of your mouth,” Griff goes on, face crumpling in distaste as he waves a dismissive hand at Ned. “I gotta go.”

Ned barks out a laugh as Griff steps away, and he follows. Zayn watches them go, amused because they always argue like an old married couple that secretly hates each other. Griff waves a hand to him, beckoning Zayn to follow before he indicates the front door.

“Goin’ for a smoke,” Zayn tells Niall, who has already started another conversation with Tom beside him.

He walks past Liam without word, though his heart jumps in his chest as their arms brush. He knows not to expect attention from Liam in a place like this. Though the lad doesn't _ignore_ him necessarily, he craves Liam pressing his body to his own with possessive palms on him, and no care if the whole world knows that they are fucking about.

So, it feels almost as bad as if Liam were straight up ignoring him.

“Zayn.”

He is halfway to the door when fingers curl around his wrist and he hears his voice. He turns to see Liam's lopsided grin, surrounded by coarse hair that is growing thicker by the day. His face is reddened more than usual and his eyes a bit heavy from the alcohol.

Zayn eyes over the footie boys behind him, and the locks of gray that make his heart fall into his stomach. It happens every time he sees them together, and they _always_ seem to be but he still isn’t used to the way it feels, the way it sends a sour taste into his mouth.  

“I was lookin’ for you. I figured you decided not to come,” Liam says, and it is a bit hard to hear him over the music playing around them, but there is a softness in his features that reminds Zayn of the soft sound of Liam’s voice when he whispers compliments against his lips in the storage room.

“I was with Griff and ‘em,” Zayn tells him, yelling louder over the music. He throws a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the door. “Smoke, wanna come?”

Liam’s lips tug down for a small moment before he nods, fingers reaching out to cup his elbow. It is unnecessary, but it makes Zayn’s heart jump in his chest. Especially when he tickles his fingers down his arm and over the back of his hand, until they are nudging between the spaces of his fingers as they weave through the rest of the crowd.

His hand drops away when they join Griff and Ned though, who are both sat on the brick wall lining the front part of the yard, but his fingers seem to linger against his knuckles for a brief moment like they are struggling to pull away.

“Payno,” Ned greets, pointing to Liam with the hand holding an already lit blunt. His glasses hang from the V of his shirt, which is an array of colors and shapes. “When’re you headed home?”

“M’done Monday night,” Liam answers, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. They hang loose on his hips, revealing a small flash of white between them and the plaid button up he wears. “But I’m headed out Tuesday, when Jade is. From the same town, you know.”

This makes Ned grin around the end of the blunt, and when he speaks his voice is tight with smoke, but the amusement in his words is clear. “How is she? Looks like she’d be -”

His words cut off as he fumbles to grab the brick wall as not to fall from the force of Griff’s hand smacking his chest. Zayn tries not to glance at Liam, but he does because he loves to torture himself, and he sees the shy smile that takes over his lips and the way his fingers fidget in his pockets in discomfort.

“Her and I, we’re just friends,” Liam laughs, though it sounds awkward. Or like he is lying, Zayn can’t be sure.

Ned gives him a look of disbelief as he passes off the blunt to Griff, but before he opens his mouth Zayn speaks, desperate to get the topic away from Jade and Liam.

“Which happens, you know, between people. Friendship. Not that you’d understand, eh?”

The other lad isn’t phased, but it backfires on Zayn when Ned steps up to flick him in the sore spot of his neck. When he had seen the purpled skin while getting ready for the party, it had sent a thrill down his spine, curling arousal through his belly and a satisfaction in his chest, but he had since forgotten about it.

“Speaking of friends,” Ned starts, the corner of his mouth quirking up high. “Whose yours? Why haven’t you brought him to the party?”

Zayn feels his face grow hot as both Griff and Liam look at him curiously, and it takes everything in him not to glance at Liam to see his reaction or utter out the ‘ _he’s already here_ ’ that he is thinking. “And make him put up with the lots of you? Nah.”

“We’re not that bad,” Griff says defensively as he hands Zayn the blunt. “Just Ned.”

“Hey,” Ned cries in offense. “If I’m that bad why’d you come to my party?”

“The booze,” Griff jokes, clapping Ned on the back of the head to show him that he isn’t serious as he hops off of the brick wall. The laugh Liam lets out calms the tension in his body, but makes his fingers itch to touch his warm skin. Instead he passes the blunt to Liam after one drag, wishing the brush of their fingers was enough.

Addicted to the other lad, he thinks, his heart flipping over in his chest like an eye roll at the realization.

+*

Zayn presses the cool water cupped in his hands to his face, washing away the sweat collecting across his skin from the heat building inside of the house. And from the fire in his chest, started by the sight of Liam’s hands on Jade’s back. He is naturally a flirt, though it never seems intentional, he is just charming all around. It always bothers him, but it is worse with Jade. Because he looks at her the way he looked at Dani, and Sophia, and never at him.

“Get over it,” he grumbles in annoyance to himself. He rubs his hands at his face, wishing he could rub off the permanent tension that has settled in his features. He knows he has been staring, _glaring_ more like, but he can’t help it. He wishes he weren't so preoccupied by it, that he could just get over it and stop feeling like a pathetic sack of potatoes, but nothing he does to distract himself works.  

The bathroom door opens then, and Zayn barely has time to pull his hands away from his face before there is a hard body pushing up against his back, his nose filling with a smell of strong cologne like Liam had sensed Zayn’s thoughts calling out for him.

“Hey baby,” Liam murmurs. In the mirror, Zayn can see the curve of his lips before he is turning his head to bury those lips against the side of his throat. And like a fool, Zayn’s head tilts to the side to allow him access there. This is why it is so hard to move on, because he craves tiny moments like this, knowing they will come eventually. No matter how long he has to wait for them. “I think I'm dying.”

Liam's paints kisses over the soft skin of his neck, his palms rubbing down his side before he gently nips at Zayn's skin, sending a shaky sigh past his lips. He says it again, his words so quiet Zayn has to strain to hear them.

“What?” Zayn mutters, turning instantly with concern but there is this happy grin on Liam’s face, his eyes bright. Liam tickles his fingers under his chin, the pads of his fingers rubbing over the coarse hair there and tilting his head up enough that their lips are level.

“If I don't kiss you,” he murmurs. Zayn parts his lips in response, feeling his cheeks growing warmer and all his thoughts of Jade disappearing. Just like every time. When Liam leaves, and comes back with touchy hands and dirty words, his thoughts of anger and hurt always slip away. “I will die, I reckon.”

Zayn tickles his fingers over the round of Liam’s lower belly before gripping his shirt, legs parting to fit Liam closer to him. Like a habit, or satisfying his craving, he isn’t sure.

“Are you going to miss me when I'm gone?” Liam asks softly, rubbing his nose gently against Zayn's. He teases, lips hovering over his but not making contact.

“Probably not,” Zayn jokes, nudging forward but Liam pulls away. There is a fire in his eyes that settles low in his belly and stems through his limbs. It isn't the place, though neither is the storage room at the store really, but he has spent the night wanting Liam crowded against him instead of the other hundred or so people here, so he will take it.

“Yeah,” he says, voice trailing off. “Have Griff, don't ya?”

Zayn shakes his head slightly, eyes dropping to the slight tension in Liam's jaw. He will miss him, when Liam goes back to his hometown for the summer, but it feels as if it is something he shouldn’t share. Especially when Liam will be in Wolver-Hampton with Jade, forgetting the moments like these that Zayn can’t seem to ever stop thinking about.  “Not like that. You know that.”

Liam's palm slides to the back of his neck, steadying his head. His eyes are so bright with something that Zayn feels like he is burning under his gaze. “You could come to mine for the summer? My family would love you.”

Zayn can't help the way his brow furrows, lips tugging down. There is a sarcastic laugh on his tongue but he swallows it down. “You don't even invite me to your apartment here, Liam. And we live minutes away from each other.”

It is supposed to come out teasing, but his feelings slip out with it and the reprimand in his voice makes Liam's bright face crumple and Zayn cringe the moment the words leave his mouth. The other lad doesn't respond though, doesn’t admit to the truth in his words, but closes the space between them and finally presses his lips to Zayn's instead.

He sighs into it, trying to ignore the static feeling taking over him as their lips move together. It isn't a long kiss, or a heated one, but every slide of Liam's lips against his own makes his limbs feel like jello.

Zayn flattens his palms to smooth them across Liam’s belly before settling at his hips. The counter of the sink digs into his back, but he doesn’t mind, not with the way Liam’s tongue slides across his teeth and traces shapes at the roof of his mouth. He wraps his lips around it, sucking softly to coax out a soft moan from the other lad.

“Mm, babe,” Liam whispers against his lips. His teeth glide across Zayn’s bottom lip before he pulls it into his mouth, making the pads of Zayn’s fingers push into Liam’s hips in encouragement. “I’ll miss you.”

When he says it, his voice is so soft that Zayn can barely hear it over the muffled bump of music coming from outside of the bathroom door.

Zayn drags his palm back up Liam’s torso, over his chest before settling it against the side of his neck. He catches Liam’s bottom lip between his, sucking softly as if that is enough of a response. He could be like Liam, and remind him of how he will have Jade like he did with Griff, but it will turn the warmth between their bodies into something icy cold and he wants to hold onto Liam as much as possible.

And he doesn’t understand how he could ever see something between him and Griff, when the other man can’t even see how painfully obvious it is that Zayn is in love with him.

“What time do you work Tuesday?” Liam asks as he pulls away, sounding a bit breathless. Zayn can't help but lick his lips, already missing the taste of Liam’s.

“First shift,” Zayn responds, letting Liam go as Liam strokes his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck before doing the same.

“Good,” Liam says, the shine back in his eyes. “I leave at five. See you then, yeah?”

Zayn only nods as he watches Liam back out of the door and into the party crowd.

+*

Liam settles against the kitchen counter, where cool air blows in through the cracked window above the sink. He is attempting to cool the warmth coating his skin, but it burns deep. It settles in his belly as he thinks of Zayn’s lips on his, and burns his fingertips as he tries to hold onto the warmth he captured from Zayn’s skin.

He sighs to himself, bringing the red solo cup he holds to his lips as he looks at him. He is so beautiful it hurts sometimes. Looking at him creates an ache in his chest, a mix of emotions that feel overwhelming but can always be comforted by Zayn's touch. It creates a discomfort in his fingertips, only soothed by Zayn's skin.

It aches, because he loves the wrinkle in Zayn’s nose when he laughs and how his eyes clench shut, showing off his thick, long eyelashes. The way he leans back and cackles out this sound that would make even the grumpiest man smile. It aches, because it is Griff who stands beside him, making him laugh like that.

“Payno,” Niall greets, settling next to him on the counter. His eyes follow where Liam looks, and he should look away but he can’t seem to. No matter who is in the room, his eyes will always find Zayn and linger there. “Should I even tell you what you look like?”

Liam lets out a hoarse laugh as he curls an arm around his belly. “Pathetic.”

“Enamored,” Niall mutters dreamily, making Liam rip his attention from Zayn to give his best mate a half confused, half amused look.

“Shut it,” Liam chuckles, elbowing him in the side. Niall always teases him like this, and even though he is his best mate, Liam gets embarrassed like he is seven and being teased about his crush every time. “I am, though. Loves someone else, unfortunately.”

Niall’s face crumples, his eyes heavy with alcohol and his movements a bit jerky as he goes to slap Liam’s arm. “What you goin’ on about? Where are your glasses?”

Liam sighs, eyes flicking back to Zayn. The way his eyes glow as he looks at the other man, all of the time they spend together, how comfortable he is with the gentle way Griff constantly touches him. A hand to his shoulder, against his back, sometimes even a finger under the chin that makes Liam feel like he could explode every time he sees it.

“Nothin’,” Liam mumbles, taking another sip of his drink as an excuse not to keep going. Niall luckily, is distracted easily when he is drunk and it only takes a moment before he is pushing off the counter to yell some shit at someone.

Liam frowns, feeling a bit drunk himself as he soaks in Zayn’s constant laughter. It makes his chest feel funny so he dumps the rest of his contents of his cup into the sink before leaving the kitchen and heading up stairs to get away from the two of them, though he knows he can't get away from his thoughts.

+*

Zayn watches the way Liam’s shoulders slump, the way his feet stumble a bit over the floor as he pushes out of the kitchen they have all gathered in. There is a look on his face that makes his chest ache, so he excuses himself from Griff after a moment of debating whether or not he should ease his worry and check on Liam, or leave the other lad alone.

The music is a steady thump, the ‘ _I, I need you’_ muffled, as he heads upstairs after seeing Liam go that way. People litter the hallway, which is long in order to accommodate the amount of rooms needed to house the ten people who live here. Some of the doors are opened, and Zayn eyes over faces he barely knows until he finally finds the one he does.

His heart sinks as he peeks in. He regrets following after him the moment he spots her there too, sitting beside Liam with her fingers laid in his lap. It doesn’t look like anything heated, as Jade’s face is a bit crumpled too. But it doesn’t relieve Zayn any, not when Jade rests a palm over Liam’s head and turns him to face her.

Zayn backs away quickly, not wanting to see if they kiss or not. They aren’t dating, they haven’t ever had a conversation about being exclusive, but Zayn wants to go in there and kick him in the leg. He knows Liam would break it off before being with anyone else like he has before, but that makes him just want to kick Liam in the leg even more because it feels like he is being kicked constantly in the chest. 

+*

Liam stills at the end of the snack aisle, a relief taking over him when he spots Zayn. His dark green apron is wrapped around his waist instead of hanging around his neck like it should be, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows which allows him to see the scatter of ink across his skin.

He admires him for a moment, always a little breathless by Zayn’s profile before he makes his way down the aisle. He hadn’t been sure Zayn would be here, since he has texted him twice since Ned’s party, and never received a response.

And he had talked himself out of coming here at least eight times, but he is going to be away from Zayn for three months and he has to say goodbye. And hopefully find the courage to say a lot more.

“Hey,” Liam greets, reaching out to tickle his fingers against Zayn’s back as the other man bends over to grab a box of crackers.

A soft smile takes over Zayn’s lips as he straightens, fingers ticking against the box he holds before he is shoving it onto the shelf. “Hey you. Didn’t bother trying to pretend to grocery shop today?”

Liam grins as he glances at his empty basket. “Reckon I needed some crackers,” he tries, taking a box from Zayn’s hands.

Zayn leans a shoulder against the shelf he stocks, crossing his arms. There is a spark in his eyes, that usually lights a spark down Liam’s spine but it isn’t what he came for this time.

“And that is all?”

“No,” Liam admits, reaching out to tickle his fingers against Zayn’s belly. He curls the fabric of his shirt between his fingers, pulling the other man a bit closer. “When is your break?”

Zayn cocks his head to the side, his tongue flicking out to wet his bottom lip. “Now, I would think.”

Liam only nods his head slightly, dropping his fingers away from Zayn as he pushes off the shelf and walks away. It always feels a bit sneaky, especially how often Zayn looks over his shoulder as they make their way past the meats to get to the storage room door. But Liam has always been too distracted to care, tugged forward by the grin on Zayn’s lips and the need to touch him.

They circle through the back, trucking through a path of boxes that Liam could probably walk in his sleep, until they get to another door. Zayn shifts his eyes across the room before he is pushing the door open.

“Hey,” Zayn whispers in the dim lighting, reaching out to grab Liam’s shirt and pull him in. Liam stumbles over his feet into a kiss, reaching out with his eyes closed for Zayn’s hips. There is already a path created, the boxes shoved and stacked to the sides, that Liam guides Zayn through all whilst their lips move and mold together.

“Hey,” Liam murmurs back as Zayn’s back hits the wall. His heart flips and flutters in his chest, which he presses to Zayn’s to mold him further into the wall.

Zayn tilts his head back against the wall, moving his lips away from Liam. He plays the game Liam always plays, making Liam chase his lips before he is ducking his head forward to slide his against Liam’s.

“Don’t say bye,” Zayn whispers against his jaw, reaching up to cup Liam’s cheek. His fingers are warm, and Liam wonders if Zayn can feel how hot he makes his skin.

Liam moves his lips to Zayn’s jaw, enjoying the scratch of his coarse beard. He presses soft kisses there, his fingers tickling down his side. He wants to touch Zayn all over, paint enough kisses and fingerprints over his skin that Zayn will feel them for the rest of the summer.

“I meant it, when I said I’ll miss you,” Liam whispers against Zayn’s ear. He doesn’t know why it feels so important to tell the other lad. Why he feels so desperate to spill his feelings out though he doesn’t know how to, when at the same time he stresses over the fact that he knows the feelings aren’t returned.

Zayn fingers trace over his cheek, a look of worry in his eyes as he cocks his head. “What’s wrong?”

Liam presses closer to Zayn, resting his palm on the wall. His teeth catch on Zayn’s earlobe to allow him a moment to gather his thoughts. He came here to say goodbye for the summer, but he has no other interest other than soft kisses and to swallow down the nerves enough to tell Zayn how he feels.

“Have you ever wanted to tell someone something? But you aren’t sure how they are going to take it? If it is going to ruin the relationship you have with them?”

Zayn’s body tenses considerably underneath his, his fingers stilling where they rub down his sides. “I uh, um, I dunno, Liam.”

Liam sighs, shifting away from Zayn so he can look at him. His teeth are trapping his bottom lip between them, a pinch between his brows that isn’t from anything pleasing. Instead, he looks bothered, and it cracks Liam’s chest when he realizes it is because Zayn knows what he is going to say.

“I’m sorry, I just -”

Zayn shakes his head, lips tugging down as he plants his hands to Liam’s chest. He isn’t rough, but he guides Liam away from him. “I know what you’re going to say, and you don’t have to. Just go, yeah? Have a good summer?”

Liam parts his lips a few times, unable to find the words to say. The crack in his chest takes away his voice, the pressure building up behind his eyelids making it hard to take in the way Zayn’s face hardens.

Like anger, like Liam’s feelings make him _angry_.

“I gotta get back to work anyway,” Zayn mumbles, diverting his eyes as he grabs for his smock. He plants a friendly hand to Liam’s shoulder, lips quirking up but there is no happiness in his features. “It doesn’t ruin our relationship, see you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!!

** Fall Semester **

Zayn sighs, placing boxes of Oreos beside him onto the shelf neatly. He is glad the school semester starts tomorrow, his internship had been time consuming, disrupting his sleep and any moment of freedom. Though as his last year, he knows his semester isn’t going to be any better for his sleep schedule.

And neither is seeing Liam, who had texted him this morning to let him know he was returning tonight. Not that Zayn cares. He doesn’t want to see him, doesn’t want to see those slender fingers intertwined with his thicker ones, the smile that makes her whole face glow with a happiness that always comes with being with Liam.

He sighs again, shoving the Oreos back a little roughly. He has seen the photos, spread over Facebook and Instagram, Twitter and every other fucking social media app that Zayn ended up deleting Liam from. He thought that would have been a good enough way to tell Liam he doesn’t want to talk to him, but he clearly hasn’t catched on yet.

(Though, Liam clearly doesn’t want to talk to him either because they have only talked a few times over the summer, and Liam was seemingly cut off or just stopped responding. So Zayn stopped trying to strum up a conversation because he couldn’t deal with the constant hollow pit in his stomach.)

“What’s wrong?”

Zayn jumps, head ripping to the sound of Griff’s voice as he saunters down the aisle with a basket in hand. He can see Ned a few yards behind him, hands in the air as he yells something at someone, his laughter floating through the quiet store.

“Nothin’,” Zayn murmurs, reaching for the Chips Ahoy’s next. “What’re you here for?”

“Last night of summer barbeque,” Griff says around a grin, wiggling his eyebrows as he shows off the items he has picked up so far in the basket he holds. “You said you were coming?”

“Oh yeah,” Zayn mumbles, shoving the box onto the shelf so it flies a little too far back. “Forgot, sorry. Lots on my mind.”

He knows Griff’s brows are pushing together in concern as he takes a step forward, he can hear it in his voice though he refuses to look at the other man because it is hard for him to keep his pain from his expression. A pain he doesn’t want Griff to know about.

“You don’t have to come if you’re not feelin’ up to it,” Griff says gently before he presses a kiss to Zayn’s temple, the fingers of his empty hand scraping against his lower back.

Guilt floods through him as he turns, nodding slightly. It is new, the kisses. Innocent ones on the cheek or forehead, though sometimes Griff steals ones from the corner of his lips. He doesn’t mind, he likes Griff. He is hilarious, and smart. Kind, and any free moment Zayn has had this summer he had spent with him, selfishly craving the attention and savoring the strong arms he had woken up to whenever he had fallen asleep on his couch after a shift at the hospital.

He is a distraction, having the ability to take Zayn’s attention so easily but it also makes him feel like he is drowning in guilt because of it.

“I’ll be there,” Zayn promises, giving Griff a smile he hopes is as genuine as he wants it to be.

Griff pinches his chin, a grin playing on his own lips before he shuffles back. “You can crash at my place if you’d like.”

Zayn bites at his bottom lip, a swarm of jitters filling in his belly as he nods his head. “Yeah, alright.”

 

In hindsight, Zayn should have realized he was going to be here. That the _both_ of them were going to be here, together, like the couple they are. He should have prepared himself, though he doesn’t think it would have helped the flux of emotions filling his chest any

And he should have known he had been lying to himself about not wanting to see Liam, because his heart leaps the moment he does. It just feels as if it is cracking at the same time when he sees her arm curled around his.

Liam seems hesitant around him, wiggling his fingers awkwardly when they first stumble upon each other by the group surrounding the picnic tables. His hair is a bit longer, streaked with blond brought out by the sun. His skin sunkissed, and his forearms covered in new ink that Zayn wants to spend time memorizing but he only glances at them.

He only looks at Liam for a moment before walking off towards the grill, because he is so beautiful it makes his chest ache. And he craves to plant his mouth to Liam’s, to lick away the taste of Jade’s, but he _can’t_. He has made a vow to move on from Liam and he is going to stick to it, even though it feels like he just hit a brick wall.

“How was your internship?”

Zayn swallows, fingers itching against the cup he holds as he glances up at Jade, who picks at the plate of fries on a table to the side of him. She had wandered over here only a moment after he did, and Zayn glances around for Liam but doesn’t see him.

“Oh alright,” he responds, wanting to grimace at himself for the tension in his voice. “Except, my hours were kind of all over the place, some third shifts. Well, _a lot_ of third shifts. And on top of the market, I didn’t sleep much.”

“Aw,” Jade says genuinely, face crumpling some. “Hospitals are freaky at night, yeah?”

Zayn chuckles, nodding. He hates the sour feeling in his stomach because he likes Jade, he does. She doesn’t deserve the bitterness he feels. “Yeah, poor Griff had to deal with me waking up early hours to crash on his couch ‘cause his place is closer to the hospital.”

“Didn’t mind,” Griff says, a grin in his voice as he slides his arm around Zayn’s lower back. The heat of the grill in front of them lays across his arms, but he leans into Griff’s touch out of habit.

Jade raises her brows, pointing her finger at the two of them, her hand close to her like it is meant to be discreet but it isn’t.

Griff chuckles at that, glancing away from the burgers sizzling on the grill to look at Jade. “I have to go get the buns, I’ll be right back.”

“And I um, have to use the loo,” Zayn tries, this time actually grimacing before he scurries off after Griff. He rolls his eyes at himself as he heads towards the house while Griff heads towards another picnic table. He feels ridiculous, running away from Jade like she is something terrifying.

Zayn hits a hard body as he steps into the house through the sliding glass door. He gasps, but strong fingers grab his waist to keep him from stumbling backwards, the smell of cinnamon hitting his nose.

“Sorry,” Zayn mumbles, eyes finding warm brown ones. They are bright, matching the soft smile on those full lips he thinks too much about. But there is still something tense about his face, his brows pinched and his jaw tight as he chews on the gum that Zayn smells.

“It's alright,” Liam says. His fingers linger at his waist before he drops his hands and steps aside. “I was hoping to run into you actually, um just -”

“Just not literally,” Zayn jokes, cupping the back of his neck. His heart beats rapidly in his chest at their proximity, but he doesn't want to move. He likes the warmth that radiates from Liam’s skin, and he misses the feel of his body against his own.

“Right,” Liam laughs, taking Zayn’s thoughts away from how much he has missed the hard of Liam’s body to how much he has missed that smile that always made his eyes crinkle and shine bright. “Um, how was your internship?”

“Really good,” Zayn offers before he fumbles his feet over the floor and into the kitchen. He opens the fridge just to seem busy, for a moment to catch his breath and let the cool air coat his hot skin. “And you um, the summer?”

“Alright. Footie camp, you know,” Liam mutters, gripping the edge of the counter to the side of him. “And my sister got married.”

Zayn bites his tongue as he grabs a liter of soda tucked away in the back. He had seen the photos on Facebook, with Liam looking so handsome in a suit that showed off the broad of his shoulders and the small of his waist. He looked like a _prince_ really, which was a thought that had made Zayn laugh because he has always hated fairytales.

“Jade was your date, yeah?” Zayn asks, clenching the soda bottle hard as he tries to keep his voice light. He had stopped admiring how handsome Liam looked when he spotted the photos of his hand pressed to her back. She looked lovely, with her hair flowing over her bare shoulders and the way her dress clung to her body, showing off the curve of her hips and her toned, bare legs. He tortured himself reading the comments below, eyes tracing over compliments of how cute they were together.

Liam’s brows push up into his hairline at this, his fingers tapping at the counter he holds as Zayn places the bottle of soda on the counter. “Er, somethin’ like that yeah.”

“Yeah,” Zayn replies tightly, opening the cabinet above him where the red solo cups are.

“And you? I see you finally realized.”

Zayn tugs his eyes away from the cupboard, the sad sound of Liam's voice taking his attention and washing away the slight anger he is starting to feel. Filling him with concern, and confusion instead.

“What d’you mean?”

Liam scratches under his chin, head cocking to his side and there is this sad look on his face that makes Zayn’s chest ache. It only makes him more confused, and wanting to curl his arms around Liam to comfort whatever it is making him upset.

“How you feel about Griff,” Liam says quietly. He smiles, but it seems somewhat twisted, lacking the brightness in his eyes.

Zayn opens his mouth, feeling his brows scrunch together. His fingers are still against the cupboard, his body frozen feeling. “I don't know -”

Liam waves a hand in dismissal, and though it isn't unkind, Zayn still flinches at the movement. “It's okay. I knew you would realize it one day.”

Zayn can't help but just stare at him, lost for words. There is a spark of frustration mixing in with his confusion that makes him want to bruise a kiss to his lips in a dramatic way to tell him that the only person he feels anything for is him. And it has always been that way but Liam has always been too thick to realize.

Liam pushes off the counter, still trying to appear at ease but still failing. It doesn’t make sense, why he seems so bothered by it since it was him who broke it off so he could date Jade, Zayn thinks. He wants to say as much, but the words never come out.

“It's cool,” Liam says. “I’m happy for you, mate.”

Zayn reaches for him the moment he walks away, curling his fingers around his elbow to get him to stop. The tension taking over his back is noticeable under the thin shirt he wears, but his face is softened by the sadness in his eyes.

“The only thing _I_ realized was that I was tired of you constantly leaving me to be with someone else just to come back to me when you guys break up.”

Zayn pushes away from the counter, forgetting about the soda and the empty cup. His throat feels tight with the tears building up, created by the frustration and anger he feels in that moment. Liam just looks at him, and he doesn’t care about the way his brows push together and lips pout out as he pushes past him, turning to him so their chests are only an inch apart.

“Didn’t like feeling like I was only good for sex, I reckon. Wanted to be with someone who actually liked all of me.”

It is a thought that has ran through his mind a few times, but one he has always pushed away because it stung too much. He has never said it outloud, and it makes him flinch.

Liam flinches too, his hand jerking out like he is reaching for Zayn but Zayn steps away, giving Liam a hard look before he practically runs back outside before the tears can spill over his eyelids.

+*

Zayn can feel Griff’s eyes on him. His worried eyes, lingering on him throughout the barbeque and after they brought the party inside. He hasn’t said anything though, and Zayn is glad. He tucks himself into the arm of Griff’s couch, feet tucked under his butt and pretending to watch whatever is on the television in front of him.

There are still a few people here, lingering throughout the house. Griff’s roommates, and Ned. Niall is half asleep on the chair beside him, eyes falling shut and flickering open wide like he is alarmed before he closes them again. Liam had left after they spoke in the kitchen, which Zayn is thankful for.

“Want a drink?”

Zayn turns to see Griff leaning over the back of the couch, arms crossed and elbows resting against the material. “No, thank you though.”

“You good?”

Zayn sighs, nodding. It is the wrong response though, because Griff’s face crumples into a worried expression before he comes around the couch to sit beside him.

“I don’t believe you. What’s up?”

Zayn nibbles on his bottom lip, looking up at the ceiling. His fingers dance against his lap, and they still feel shaky when he tucks them between his thighs. He could tell Griff, though it would hurt the other man’s feelings.

And he would have to admit that he is using Griff just like he feels like Liam had used him, though it isn’t for sex.

“It’s Liam.”

“What’d he do?”

Zayn looks at Griff for a long moment, at his look of concern and the way he tucks his knees to his chest as he looks back. He also hasn’t said this out loud to anyone, not even himself, though the thought is always at the front of his mind and at the tip of his tongue.

“I’m in love with him.”

It takes a moment before Griff reacts. His brows lift up, surprise lining his features before he swallows and crunches his brows together. “And he’s with Jade.”

“Yeah,” Zayn breathes as he nods. He looks back up at the ceiling, wishing he could sink far enough into the couch that he could be completely hidden in the cushions.

“I’m sorry. I know that is a shitty feeling,” Griff says, his voice soft. Zayn swallows, guilt mixing in with the emotions he already feels as he takes this in even though he knows Griff wouldn’t be the type of person to intentionally make him feel bad.

“I’m sorry.”

Griff laughs under his breath, and though it doesn’t seem sarcastic it isn’t filled with amusement either. “Don’t be,” he says, reaching out to slide his fingers against Zayn’s jaw. “It happens.”

“But it’s a shitty feeling. And I’m sorry.”

Griff smiles, his features still soft and eyes still bright. ‘It is. But you don’t have to apologize bro. You want me to break into the locker room and cut holes in his shorts?”

Zayn barks out a laugh before kicking Griff in the thigh with his toe. “Shut up, you would never.”

“For you, maybe,” Griff jokes, the brightness of his face making Zayn feel a little better. “I’d steal all of his shoelaces, too.”

Zayn snorts, shifting closer to Griff. He wants to apologize again, but he doesn’t, only knocks their knees together. “Perfect.”

+*

Zayn knows he shouldn’t have expected Liam to reach out to him after the barbeque, but he had his hopes up anyway. Expecting an apology, or maybe even telling him he is wrong. That Zayn isn’t only good for sex.

But it has been radio silence.

The only time he sees him is when their classes are in the same building, but the hallways are crowded and Zayn avoids eye contact. He waits until Liam walks past him so he can glance at him walking away. It feels like he is torturing himself really, especially when he sees him walking towards Jade.

He can’t help it, the way his body turns and his back rests against the wall as he watches them. There is enough people in the hallway that he blends in, and they are too far away from him to hear anything they are saying. He can just see the narrow of Jade’s eyes sharpening at whatever Liam is saying.

Zayn watches until he sees Jade shake her head, fingers waving in the air as if she wants Liam to stop speaking. She walks away then, and Liam doesn’t even turn around to watch her go.

“You alright?” Zayn calls, pushing off the wall. He is shit, he thinks, for being so nosy when he actually hates that they are together but he ignores that thought.

She gives him a jerky shrug, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she sighs. “I dunno. You and Liam are close, yeah?”

“Uh,” Zayn starts, “I dunno. Not really.”

She looks up at him then, face crunching together into a frown. “Oh, I thought you were best mates. Well, I guess anyone can tell he is in love with someone else, you don’t have to be close to him to know that.”

Zayn grimaces to himself, unsure of what to say. “Uh, oh I don’t know -”

Jade stops at a classroom door and turns to him. She pats him on the chest, a sad look on her face. “Thanks for listening, Zayn. But I gotta go. See you at the game tonight?”

Zayn’s fingers scratch anxiously at the scruff on his jaw. “I got a shift at the store, um -”

It is a lie, probably an unnecessary one, but the school takes the games seriously. The hallways are lined with fliers and half of his classmates are dressed in football shirts from the school store. It is unheard of not to go, especially when most of your friends are on the team.

“That sucks,” Jade says, grimacing.

“What does?” He hears from his right. He turns, taking in bright blue eyes and Niall's furrowed brows.

“Not goin’ to the game,” Zayn coughs out before Jade can speak and Niall can call him out on his lie.

“What?” Niall exclaims, patting him hard on the back. He hears Jade snort out a laugh as she walks into the classroom, probably shaking her head because no one has as much football pride as Niall. Not even Liam, the team captain. “Shit, mate.”

“Whatever,” Zayn grumbles, feeling his face grow hot under Niall's gaze.

“You're an idiot, mate. S’cause Payno, yeah?”

The other man looks amused as he claps Zayn’s shoulder, fingers digging in as Zayn grumbles out a denial.

“If he is off his game t’night, I'm kicking your ass.”

Zayn frowns, shifting away from his grip. “Why would it be my fault?”

Niall only rolls his eyes as he walks past him after Jade. “Like I said, you're an idiot. Show up tonight or I'm burnin’ down your apartment.” He sticks a finger hard to Zayn’s chest, face crumpling into something that seems just wrong on Niall’s normally bright face. “And don’t think I’m joking.”

+*

Liam's chest heaves, his skin hot and covered in sweat. It feels amazing to be able to sit finally, his muscles aching but he can't enjoy it. There is a heaviness in his chest and a frustration running through him, making it hard to calm his body down.

He sucked tonight, completely sucked and he knows all of his teammates are grumbling under their breath at him. He doesn't blame them, he would be mad too if one of his team members focused more on who was in the stands then what was going on in the field, even if they had won the game.

Liam cups his hands to his face to catch his breath before he shoves off of the bench to grab his water bottle. He doesn't change, doesn't shower, he just grabs his bag and walks out of the locker room without word. He doesn't want to listen to the lecture his coach will surely have for him, or answer any of the questions from the boys, who all give him lingering looks as he makes his way out of the building.

The smell of smoke hits his nose when he steps out into the cool air, and he eyes a silhouette of someone leaning against the fence. His heart leaps instantly, though the shadows of the dark night make it hard to see his face. He swears he could find Zayn in a crowded room with his eyes closed.

“Didn't think you came to the game.”

“I didn’t,” Zayn says, voice floating through the air before he pushes off the fence. Liam steps towards him, like a string attached to the other man is dragging him forward. “Erm, Niall threatened to burn down my apartment if I didn't show up so I've been walking around the parking lot, indecisive on whether or not I cared enough to come down here.”

“Do you?”

The light from the building holding the locker rooms allows Liam to see Zayn’s face as they get closer. It is tense, lacking all warmth it once held for him.

“Yeah, that's the problem innit?”

Liam freezes, his hand halfway up to reach out to touch under Zayn's chin to comfort him. He drops it, shoving it under the lip of his uniform shorts instead. “Erm - I don't see how?”

Zayn cocks his head, bringing the cigarette to his lips. Despite the sounds of the people still lingering around after the game, Liam feels like the heaviness of the silence is going to kill him. But he doesn’t interrupt, allowing Zayn to take his time to say whatever it is that makes him take three long drags from his cigarette.

“You remember when you were dating um, Dani? I got no warning, just saw you together or summat. And then you broke up a bit later, and you showed at the market the next day.”

Liam grimaces, eyes falling to his toes as the feeling in his chest grows worse. He had just stopped talking to Zayn at one point, angry because he had watched Griff and him dance at some party, and Danielle had just came around after that.

“I was so happy to have you back it was whatever. And then you did it again with what's her face. But I got a warning that time.”

Liam bites on his lip, the heaviness taking on his shoulders now. He understands, but he doesn't know how to explain it to Zayn so he understands _why_ he did it.

“Kinda hurts a bit, Li,” Zayn mumbles, his voice lacking any emotion but the stress in his features gives it away. “So yeah, caring is a problem. Because if I didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Zayn, I'm sorry,” Liam tries, desperately. He means it, but it isn't enough. His tongue feels thick with the admission, hitting his roof of his mouth and struggling to form the words he wants to say. “It's just, seeing you with Griff -”

Zayn snorts, shaking his head. He takes a step to Liam, and he isn't expecting Zayn's lips to brush over his cheek but they do. There is a whiff of cinnamon from his breath, his cologne almost as intoxicating as the feel of his slightly chapped lips skating across his cheek.  

“It's always been you, Li,” he whispers in his ear. He feels Zayn pinch his hip before the other man moves away. “Always you. I wish I could return feelings for Griff, but my heart is too busy beating for you.”

Liam's heart jumps in his chest as he wraps his head around this. There is a denial on his tongue, he wants to protest because _no_ , that doesn't make sense, but he doesn't have time before Zayn is flicking out his cigarette and walking away.

And like a fool, Liam watches him go.

“What the fuck,” Liam mumbles, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyelids. He can hear the rumble of footsteps, and he knows he should walk off before the football team walks out and finds him in this state. But he just can’t seem to move. His chest wracks, his throat tight, and he kind of wants to scream until his throat burns.

“Payno,” he hears. He swallows the tears in his throat, rubbing his eyes with the bottom of his jersey quickly before blinking over and over again in hopes that any tear threatening to escape has gone. “What’re you doin’?”

Liam shrugs as he turns around to find Niall making his way over to him. His jersey is thrown over his shoulder, his duffle bag nearly dragging against the ground by his feet. “I think Zayn just told me he loves me.”

Niall huffs out a laugh as he claps Liam on the shoulder. “About time, I reckon.”

Liam grimaces, teeth digging harshly into his bottom lip. He doesn’t think it is as funny as Niall, who doesn’t seem even half as surprised as Liam feels right now. “He said his heart beats for me.”

Niall’s nose wrinkles in distaste as his fingers dig into Liam’s arm. “I don’t want to hear the gross details, mate. I’m happy for you.”

Liam shakes his head, feeling the pressure push back up into his throat. “I didn’t say anything back.”

The other man groans, head tilting back so he completely faces the dark night sky. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He shakes his head as he lets go of Liam’s arm just to punch him in the shoulder. “You have to be fucking kidding me. You two really are perfect for each other.”

+*

Zayn shuffles out of the market’s storage room, pushing a metal cart stacked with boxes. He had taken Niall’s shift, allowing the other lad to go to a party at Ned’s for the footie team after their win the night before. He doesn’t mind, he just feels tired from studying all week and stressed because he has more studying to do. And bothered by admitting how he felt about Liam after all this time.

He thought it would feel like a breath of relief, but it feels more like he is constantly choking.

The market isn't as busy as it is during his normal shifts. Just people here and there, usually picking up one or two things they had forgotten. It makes his job easier, with less interruptions from people asking where things are even though they have been here a million times and nothing ever changes.

He pushes the cart down the snack aisle, making sure his items are stocked. Niall usually takes care of canned goods, which makes his cart feel unusually heavier.

“What the fuck,” Zayn mumbles to himself as he stills, eyeing those broad shoulders he has been trying to wipe clear from his thoughts. He steps back, pushing his cart back into the aisle to hide even though he needs to stock the pasta sauces. “What in the actual fuck.”

The reason he hadn’t wanted to go to the footie party is because he knew Liam would be there, and he didn’t want to see him. And now lad is at the grocery store, staring at the row of meats with an empty carriage beside him.

Zayn sucks in a breath before he pushes the cart back into the main aisle, his feet quick in order to turn down the aisle he needs to be in before Liam sees him. It doesn’t work though, because Liam is half staring at the meats and half looking around the aisle like he is looking for him.

“Zayn!”

Zayn sighs, pressing the back of his hand to his eyes before he looks at Liam, who jogs over to him. He looks like he has no intention to go to a party, as he wears a pair of trackies and an old gray t-shirt that is slightly wrinkled.  “What do you want?”

“Um? Your help?” Liam says, his voice questioning. There is an unsure look on his face, which turns into something desperate when he follows after Zayn down the aisle towards the sauces. “Do you like grilled chicken in your salad?”

Zayn frowns at him, jerking his shoulders up into a shrug. “I guess so, why?”

Liam’s teeth catches on his bottom lip, and there is a stain of a blush taking over his cheeks. “I’m making dinner for someone. To tell them how I feel about them.”

Zayn glares, crossing his arms because he can't believe Liam would have the nerve to ask him what he should cook for Jade when he tells her he loves her. “Liam, seriously? You can just -”

“And I was wondering if you wanted to come.”

Zayn freezes, lips parted around the words he was going to say as he stares at the other man. He tries to process what Liam is saying, but he can’t.

“Just you,” Liam goes on, nerves coating his words. He shifts back and forth on his feet, his fingers tickling against his pockets before he shoves his hands into them. “I want to tell you how much I love you, how long I loved you. Like, before we even met I’d see you in the halls and my heart would do this thing and I dunno, Zayn. You never saw it and I need to tell you, I just don’t know how and I broke it off with Jade because of it, well I think she saw it coming and -

“Liam,” Zayn says, cutting him off again because his words are coming out fast, and his voice is thick with something that makes the words hard to fully understand. “What are you saying?”

A smile takes over Liam’s lips, making his cheeks round but it isn’t happy. There are tears in the other man’s eyes that seem to come out of nowhere, and a bit of a frantic look in them. “I’m in love with you, Zayn. I never meant to make you feel like you were just good for sex, I just thought you loved Griff. And I wanted any moment I could have with you. That is why I left, all those times. Saw you with him and it hurt, so - I dunno, I understand it hurt you and I’m sorry, I just -”

Zayn minds whirs with this as he lets out a small laugh of frustration. He takes a step forward, reaching out to cup Liam’s warm cheek and wipe away the tear running from it. Liam stops his rambling, lips pressing tight together. “You should be wearing your glasses more often, Li, because the only person I’ve ever loved was you.”

Liam nods, his Adam’s Apple bobbing as he swallows. “I can’t wear my glasses when I’m with you ‘cause when we kiss they get in the way.”

Zayn lets out a wet laugh, as he cups Liam’s other cheek and moves so their toes knock together. “Good thing you’re not wearing them now.”

He brushes his lips to Liam’s, just a light pressure before Liam’s fingers are curling around his apron and tugging him close, making their lips press hard together.

Liam moves him around, pressing him against the shelves and planting his body against his own with no care that they are in a public place. At Zayn’s job nonetheless. And Zayn doesn’t care either, desperate for the weight of Liam’s body against his own to comfort the rapid pace of his own heart. It isn’t eager, but the hard pressure of Liam’s lips against his own sends a static shock through him, making his chest feel as if there is a flame igniting inside of it.

“Are you sure?” Liam breathes, the round of his nose knocking against Zayn’s. “Because -”

“I told him,” Zayn interrupts, knocking his head back to look up at those warm brown eyes. “The other day, how I feel about you. If you want to ask him. Or would you rather I paint my feelings across your skin -”

Liam pulls back, lips shifting up into a smile as he quirks up a brow. “Whoa, you’ve gotten deep since we’ve last met.”

Zayn snorts, reaching up to tickle his fingers around the back of his head. “Wanna meet back in our spot?”

Liam doesn’t hesitate, planting a soft kiss back to his lips as he mutters out his response.   

 

Zayn likes working the later shift, the one before third shift when most of his co-workers come in to do the stocking. There are less people here to walk in on them, to hear out the muffled moan Liam lets out when Zayn’s fingers curl around his prick.

It is rushed, but Zayn feels an energy burning through him and crackling a desperation for Liam. The words he spoke replay over and over again in his head, and he makes Liam repeat them as if he can’t trust his memories.

“Li,” Zayn breathes against Liam’s parted lips. “Why aren’t you at the party?”

Liam huffs out a laugh, pinched with arousal as he bucks his hips up into Zayn’s hand. “Had more important stuff to do.”

Zayn paints his grin across Liam’s lips. “I love you.”

Liam moans quietly, fingers grasping for Zayn’s waist as his other hand fumbles with his zipper. His teeth graze his lips before he bites the lower, pulling it into his mouth to muffle the groan rumbling in his throat. “And I love you.”

“And I love that you're making me salad for dinner,” Zayn groans, savoring the feel of Liam's big hand cupping between his legs. He jerks them apart as he rubs his palm over Liam’s leaking head, still amazed by how wet Liam always gets when he touches him.

“I am a - _fuck_ ,” Liam groans, biting his lip hard before he exhales roughly. “A master chef.”

Zayn grins, tucking his lips under Liam's jaw. He loves the feel of Liam's coarse beard scratching against his mouth. “I could just eat you out instead.”

Liam pants out a soft moan as he shivers, his hand moving clumsily over Zayn’s prick. “Babe,” he whines. “Let's go to mine, yeah?”

Zayn shifts, slowing his hand over Liam's cock as he takes in the other man's overwhelmed expression. His heart thumps heavily in his chest, his body trembling from the rough of Liam’s palm moving down his length.

“Yeah?” he asks, unsure because Liam has mentioned it before but has never properly invited him to his apartment.

“Yeah,” Liam breaths as his lips quirk up high. “What time are you off?”

“An hour,” Zayn mumbles before he is letting go of Liam to cup the back of his neck and drag him into a kiss.

He savors the taste of Liam’s laugh, the way Liam lets go of him to press his hands to Zayn’s spine as he drags Liam away from the wall. He smothers kisses across his lips, forgetting for a moment the pulse arousal making his dick leak out drops of precome onto his uniform pants.

“Don’t come until then,” Zayn mutters, cocking his head as he parts his lips over Liam’s. Liam groans quietly, his eyes darkening. Zayn bites a kiss to Liam’s lips as he lets go of him, reaching down to pull up the trackies tight around Liam’s thighs.

*+

Zayn leaves his shift early after stocking Niall’s products at an ultra fast pace. It was a bit of a sloppy job, as an excitement wracked through Zayn, the arousal in the pit of his stomach was distracting, and he is pretty sure he actually stocked everything wrong.

But he lets that thought go the moment he is in his car, key in the ignition to head to Liam’s. They should probably take it slow, he knows, work out everything first but he has missed the taste of Liam’s lips and craved the feeling of their bodies together that he feels it can wait at least until the morning.

Liam lives a minute off campus, between the market and the school. He tries not to speed but he makes it there in only a few minutes, idling the car for a bit as he stares up at the apartment complex from his parking lot.

There is a flicker of the curtains on the third floor that motivates him to turn off his car and get out. He is suddenly nervous, fingers ticking anxiously into the pockets of his smock as he makes his way inside.

The door opens before he can even step up to it, hand reaching up in anticipation to knock.

“Hey,” Liam greets, face flushed and lips pushed up into a smile. It relaxes him some, knowing Liam is nervous too judging by the look in his eyes.

“Hey,” Zayn murmurs back, feeling his face grow hot as he cups the back of his neck and makes his way over to Liam. He licks at his lips in anticipation of Liam’s, his fingers antsy against the back of his neck to soothe the need to touch Liam’s warm skin.

“Hey,” Liam says again, grin growing as he steps past the threshold of his apartment door, reaching out to curl his fingers around Zayn’s smock. A bubble of a laugh passes Zayn’s lips before he is letting Liam tug him forward into a kiss.

“Are we going to do this every time,” Zayn breathes against his lips. He flattens his palms against Liam’s strong chest before rubbing them upwards until his fingers tickle the birthmark at the base of his throat.

“Kiss?” Liam asks, grinning against his lips. His hand comes up to grip the back of Zayn’s head, quieting the laugh on his tongue as Liam’s licks behind his teeth. Zayn smooths his fingers over Liam’s throat, over the back of his neck until his fingers are catching in the short hairs at the back of Liam’s head.

Liam’s arms are strong, keeping him from falling when they stumble further inside of the apartment, their lips still molded together. He faintly hears the door slam when Liam’s hand leaves him for a moment. It brings him to his senses, making him pull back with a smile lingering on his lips.

“So this is your apartment?” Zayn muses, looking around as Liam tries to distract him with kisses pressed to the side of his neck. It is quite small compared to the studio apartments Zayn has seen before. Liam’s bed rests low to the floor, made up neat with black and red bedding. There is a couch on the side, and above it a shelf with trophies he remembers Liam winning over the last few years.

The kitchen is cleaner than he expected it to be, all of his appliances stacked up neatly against the wall and the counters shininig. There is a massive bowl sitting on the counter, where Zayn can see a bit of green and red.

“You made me my salad,” Zayn laughs, tugging Liam so their fronts press closer together. A blush takes over Liam’s cheeks as he shrugs and wraps his arms around his waist. “Master chef.”

“Mhm,” Liam hums, tickling his nose against Zayn’s. “I don’t know how to apologize for hurting you, so -”

Zayn presses his lips to the other man’s to quiet him. “You were hurting too and I didn’t know,” he whispers softly, tracing shapes at the bottom of his spine to comfort him. “But let’s talk about it later, yeah? I’ve been waitin’ like a year to get m’dick in you, babe.”

Liam snorts, eyes falling shut around his laugh. “Romantic,” he grumbles before his lips are pressing back against Zayn’s.

The salad goes forgotten as their clothes are thrown across Liam’s neat apartment, his smock falling over the couch and his shoes kicked across the floor. Liam’s hands are large and possessive on his skin as Zayn removes his shirt, tossing it to the side before he is gripping at Liam’s to help him take it off.

Liam doesn’t give him a chance to admire the hard body he feels under his fingertips as he tugs Zayn towards his bed, careful in the way he guides Zayn back without his lips every leaving his skin. Zayn grips Liam’s neck as he falls backward, craving the feeling of being trapped under Liam’s weight.

“You know,” Liam murmurs, climbing over him until his knees are digging into the mattress around his hips. He touches Liam everywhere possible, shifting his fingers across his belly to his sides, down his spine until he is pushing his fingers across the soft material of Liam’s briefs. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone as beautiful as you.”

Though his heart expands at the compliment, he whines, gripping Liam’s bum to push their hips together. “Have you ever looked in a mirror?”

Liam’s laugh comes out pinched as he rolls his hips down, guided by Zayn’s hands. The material between them is irritating, and he appreciates that he doesn’t need to tell Liam so as the other man pushes up to fumble his fingers over Zayn’s zipper.

“Shush,” Liam grumbles under his smile. Zayn uses the position to drag his eyes down Liam’s chest, down to where his fingers trace over the bunch of Liam’s belly and lower. His trackies stretch across his hips from his legs being spread, revealing the outline of his length underneath.

Zayn rolls his hips up, feeling his own dick fatten under Liam’s bum as an eagerness fills him. “Come on,” he murmurs, shifting up to press a kiss to Liam’s chest. He wants to bruise mouth shaped marks across it, but his fingers itch with desire and he just needs their pants off first.

“Yeah,” Liam breathes, scrambling off Zayn in a clumsy matter to wiggle his trackies off. Zayn follows suit, taking off his uniform pants as he watches the reveal of Liam’s skin.

Liam’s fingers catch on his ankle as he throws his jeans, pushing his leg up into a bend as he crawls back over him. It is perfect really, the way their bodies align just right. The way Liam’s hand grips his hips as they mold together. He moans into the kiss pressed to his lips, hips rolling to rub his hard length against Liam’s.

Zayn curls his leg around Liam’s back as Liam’s lips shift to under his jaw, leaving wet kisses along the slope of his neck. A heat takes over him, the thick arousal in the air building with every pant, every press of their lengths, every scrape of teeth across his skin. He digs his fingers into Liam’s neck as the lad moves his lips lower, hovering his mouth over his skin.

“Want you,” he thinks he hears before Liam’s mouth is pressing against one of his nipples. He lets out a sharp moan when he feels Liam’s teeth, the small sting of pain mixing in with the pleasure that builds in his belly.

“Come on then,” Zayn breathes, shifting his palm to cup Liam’s cheek. His eyes are dark with arousal, his bottom lip bruised looking. “Turn around on me.”

“What?” Liam moans, hiding his smile against Zayn’s chest like he is trying to deal with what Zayn is implying.

“Wanna eat you out, love,” Zayn murmurs, lifting his face again. He is so beautiful it takes his breath away for a moment, though his chest wracks with the fondness he feels.

There is a kiss pressed to his lips again before Liam is shifting eagerly, turning around until his bum is pressing to Zayn’s chest. He moans at the sight, no hesitation in the way he reaches out to cover his palms over the small round of his cheeks. Liam is so pliable, moving with the guidance of Zayn’s hand and the shift of Zayn’s body easily.

“Look at you,” Zayn murmurs softly as he spreads Liam’s cheeks. He rubs a thumb over Liam’s hole, shivering when he feels Liam’s mouth hot on his thigh. “Anyone ever done this for you?”

“No,” Liam whines softly before he bites down on Zayn’s skin. Zayn grips lower, thumbs rubbing between his cheeks and eliciting a rumble of a moan that pounds against his ear drums.

“Good,” Zayn breathes before he is lowering his mouth over Liam’s skin. There is a possessiveness on his tongue, tracing out _mine, mine_ against Liam’s skin before he circles around his hole. The whimper Liam lets out runs through him, curling and spreading through his belly.

“Oh fuck,” Liam groans, leaning his weight on one elbow. A a moment later Zayn feels those thick fingers curling around base of his prick, and the warmth of his breath against him.

Zayn is loud as he licks and sucks at Liam’s skin messily, spurred on by the chant of moans from the other lad brushing against the tip of his prick. He adds to them, groaning low in his throat as he nudges his tongue against Liam’s hole, muffling his moan against Liam when he feels the warmth of Liam’s mouth slide down his cock.

“Fuck,” Zayn murmurs, stitching his hips to the mattress as not to buck up into Liam’s mouth as Liam suckles at the head. He scrapes a finger down Liam’s cheeks, nudging his hole gently. He is a bit overwhelmed by everything, seeing the clench of Liam’s hole around the tip of his finger, feeling the constrict of Liam’s throat around the head of his dick, realizing he is finally going to have sex with Liam -

“Good?” Zayn moans roughly, pushing his finger in more before he tongues around it. Liam only moans in response, his fingers itching past his length to cup Zayn’s balls.

The pulse of arousal through him makes him want to stretch Liam open eagerly and quick, but he slowly eases his finger in until soft pants leave Liam’s lips, until his shoulders are hunching and his hips rocking back against Zayn’s touch. Until Liam’s fingers stroke him distractedly, his moans washing over his hip as Liam’s forehead knocks against his thigh when he nudges in a second digit.

“Tight, babe,” Zayn mutters as he scissors his fingers. Jealousy curls through him as he thinks about anyone doing this with Liam, and he tries to push them away but they stay stitched to the front of his mind. “How does it feel?”

“Good, fuck,” Liam groans, stopping the lazy attempt at stroking him off and pushing up on his hands. He rolls his hips back, fucking himself down on Zayn’s fingers until they sink deeper. He can feel how wet Liam is as his dick drags across his belly, decorating his skin with dribbles of precome. “Really good, Zayn.”

Zayn sucks in a breath, nudging his fingers until he hits the ball of nerves he wanted to touch. Liam’s body tenses, muscles rippling across his back as he lets out a moan that shatters the silence around them.

“Good,” Zayn murmurs, clapping his hand against his bum softly before gripping it roughly. “Has anyone ever made you feel this good? Get you this wet?”

Liam makes a strangled noise that sounds like a complaint, his head shaking slightly. “Just you.”

He feels ridiculous for grinning at that, but he shoves that thought away as he grips Liam’s hips to guide him up further. Liam straightens, hands falling against Zayn’s belly for support as Zayn spits on his fingers. “Good for another?”

“Yeah just,” Liam moans as Zayn presses a third against him. “Hurry up.”

The other man trembles over him, the pads of his fingers pressing into his skin hard enough that Zayn knows they will leave bruises. He admires Liam’s back as he fucks in a third finger, slowly despite Liam’s words.

“Could come like this, yeah?” Zayn asks. His dick aches, throbs against his belly and his legs itch across the blankets from the pressure building in his navel. “Come all over me, without even touching your dick -”

“Zayn,” Liam gasps, offended sounding as he fucks his hips down to meet Zayn’s fingers. “I’m good, now, just -”

He is still tight around his fingers, but he relents, easing his fingers out because he is desperate for Liam, and the way Liam scrambles off of him with quick, eager movements makes him feel like maybe the other man is a little desperate for him too.

Liam reaches into the nightstand beside the bed as Zayn curls his fingers around himself, eyes wandering over Liam’s reddened skin and the curve of his dick. He swears he has never seen Liam so hard, the head swollen and red, glistening with precome. There is a shake in his fingers as he produces a condom, and he doesn’t even close the nightstand drawer before he is climbing back onto Zayn’s lap.

“Like this,” Liam says, leaning down to press a kiss to Zayn’s lips. “Wanna make love to you.”

Zayn moans silently as he cups the back of Liam’s head before Liam pulls away to fumble with the condom package. Zayn cups Liam’s thighs, digging his thumbs in as he watches Liam’s thick fingers curl around his prick. His hips roll up into Liam’s touch eagerly, his teeth pressing hard into his bottom at the rush of pleasure running up his spine from Liam’s simple touch.

“‘Cause I love you,” Liam goes on, his lips quirking up some as his eyes flick to Zayn. He pushes up onto his knees to align himself, and Zayn’s tongue feels too heavy in his mouth to speak. “Love you lots.”

“Yeah,” Zayn breathes, reaching out to cup Liam’s hips as he lowers himself, eyeing the way the muscles in his thighs strain from the movement. “I love you too.”

“And only you,” Liam hitches out, overwhelmed sounding.

It feels as if all the oxygen is sucked from his lungs as he nestles the head of his prick between Liam’s cheeks. It is maddeningly slow the way Liam presses down, his face contorting in pleasure and a gasp of pain passing his lips. Zayn soothes his fingers over Liam’s thighs, trying to coax out the tension there while whispering out soft praises of how well Liam is doing.

“You're doin’ good too,” Liam huffs out, voice pinched. He grips Zayn's chest, fingers digging into the wings inked across his skin as he rolls his hips. It feels amazing, how tight Liam is wrapped around him, the way he clenches and his body shivers above him, hips rolling in a way that makes him want to grab Liam’s hips and stroke into him harder.

Zayn huffs out a laugh as he pushes up, easing a kiss to Liam’s throat before he wraps his arm around the other man’s waist, holding him down against him. Liam grinds his hips down against him, his prick leaking against Zayn’s belly. He can feel the erratic thump of Liam’s chest against his own, matching the soft pants that leave the other man’s lips.

“Yeah?” Zayn breathes, nudging his lips against Liam’s so their noses knock together. Liam’s fingers curl around the back of his neck as he nods. He lifts his hips, working himself up at a maddeningly slow place until only the head is nestled between his cheeks.

Zayn’s hands explore Liam’s skin as he works himself back down his length, fingers spreading over his spine and shoulders, tickling at the back of his neck and lingering over his hips. He nudges his legs apart, fingers curving over the round of Liam’s bum as he bottoms out again.

Liam’s teeth bite roughly at Zayn’s bottom lip as he squeezes Liam’s bum, kneading and spreading at his cheeks until his hips fuck down against him faster. It makes their teeth knock in their uncoordinated kiss, filling the air with a sound of skin on skin, Liam’s rough groans and Zayn’s softer ones.

“Ah, fuck,” Liam shivers out before he is pushing Zayn back flat against the mattress, hands firm on Zayn’s torso. His lips are parted around soft moans, chil tilted slightly allowing Zayn to see the tendons down his neck, the dark red of his skin.

Zayn grips Liam’s neck, tugging him back down until their chests are aligned. His teeth scrape Liam’s earlobe before Liam is tucking his face against Zayn’s neck, painting his skin with harsh moans. He rolls his hips, fucking up into Liam quickly as the pleasure builds rapidly through him.

A chant of his name fills the room as Liam’s body trembles over him, heavying against him as Zayn strokes up into him with fingers gripping harshly at his hips. The clench of Liam around him as the other man comes drags out his own orgasm, his warning silent on his tongue as his body tenses underneath him.

“Oh fuck,” Liam gasps, pushing up to meet Zayn’s thrusts and allowing him to see the way he paints across Zayn’s stomach. His fingers shake as he reaches to curl his fingers around Liam to milk out the rest of his orgasm.

“I love you,” Zayn huffs out, grinding deep. His chest heaves, a warmth filling inside of him at the grin taking over Liam’s lips.

“Love you too,” Liam says softly before leaning forward to mold their lips together, his body still trembling slightly.

Zayn maneuvers Liam to the side, easing out of him gently to remove the condom before tangling back up against him. His breathing is still harsh, an energy still dragging static through him. He rubs his nose against Liam’s, arms curling around his back to keep them close.

“Gotta ask you somethin’,” Liam whispers, tickling his fingers down Zayn's spine. “Real important.”

“What?” Zayn mutters, face crumpling despite the light sound of Liam’s voice.

Liam pulls his head back some, resting his palm to Zayn’s cheek. “Wanna be my boyfriend?”

A giggle pasts his lips as he presses their foreheads together. “I dunno. The sex wasn't _that_ good -”

“Hey!” Liam yelps in offense as he wrestles Zayn back against the mattress. He rests over him, biting his cheek gently. “You're an arse.”

Zayn laughs before cupping Liam's cheeks so he is looking down at him again. He strokes his thumb over the red tint of his cheeks, savoring how hot his skin feels. “I'm joking. It was great, the best really.”

Liam quirks a brow, nuzzling against his palm. “So is that a yes?”

Zayn nods before pulling Liam down for another kiss, lips pushing his apart so he can snake a tongue past them. His chest expands, an overwhelmed feeling taking over him that makes it hard not to smile to the point where his cheeks are hurting because of it.

+*

Rain drizzles down, splattering across the umbrella over his head and puddling across the sidewalk. Zayn normally hates walking to class in the rain, but there is a smile stitched to his lips as he eyes the man waiting outside of the building for him.

“Hey,” Liam greets, shifting off the wall he leans against as Zayn takes down his umbrella.

“Hey,” Zayn says back, biting at his bottom lip because he wants to kiss Liam but he doesn't know if he can. It is new, and the first time they have been in public together as a couple. As much as he wants it, he is used to only kissing Liam while hidden away.

“Hey,” Liam laughs as Zayn rolls his eyes. He curls an arm around his shoulder, stitching their chests together before brushing a soft kiss against his lips. “Wanna get lunch after class?”

“Mhm,” Zayn murmurs, stealing another kiss now that he knows it is okay before he pulls away. Liam doesn't hesitate to link their fingers, nowhere as nervous looking as Zayn feels. He clenches his fingers, grinning foolishly when Liam squeezes back. “What’d you have in mind?”

“Well,” Liam starts as they head inside. “I still have that salad you didn't eat last night.”

Zayn snorts, leaning his shoulder against Liam's. “Was a little preoccupied, sorry.”

“It's okay,” Liam sighs dramatically. His face is bright with teasing as he glances at him and nudges him with his shoulder. “Probably going to preoccupy you again, so you might have to take a to go bag.”

Zayn stops them, turning to Liam to plop a kiss to his nose. “Love you, dork.”

“Love you more, boyfriend of a dork,” Liam whispers, fingers curling around the back of his neck to kiss him again without care of who sees them.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think? [tumblr](http://zipplekink.tumblr.com) and [twitter](twitter.com/zippiekink) if you need it!


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